Shifting Sands

Falling in love (with yourself)

Happy Valentines!

Sit back, relax and take in a short film: Film of the week 11th Feb Monday9am.tv - the girl who looked in the mirror. Like all Nic Askew's thought-provoking and inspiring films it speaks for itself. His work will soon be found at soulbiographies.com.

Borocca madness

I get so angry every time I see a Borocca or Lemsip ad on TV. Their message is that as an individual our success is based on us keeping going, at a fast pace, however we feel. For what? For your all important work or role in life... but what about you? What about trusting your body when it tells you it needs a rest, or to slow down?

I know, I know.. its an ad, so why am I so worked up about it? Because its so pervasive its almost becoming an unquestioned fact that people should not put their needs before their work and achievements. Even MY boss can be a slave driver! I've been fighting a bug over the last week and notice how hard it is to give myself a break, and allow myself to be ill, to slow down and even stop.

I want a new ad on TV more along the Kitkat 'Take a break' theme... selling us the health and happiness that comes from listening and responding to our bodies.

As for me, I'm listening to my own propoganda and am off for 40 winks!

Talk to yourself? Sanity not madness! Part 1

I love the idea that we are made up of many selves - it makes sense to me. I'm not just justifying all those voices inside my head, they really are quite normal! The real question is how do we live happily with them.

The theory is that as we grow up, we all develop a range of primary selves, such as our ‘Protector/Controller’, 'Perfectionist', 'Pusher' and ‘Pleaser’ to protect the vulnerable child, and enable us to live in the big wide world. The challenge comes when we get stuck living from one, or a limited number, of these selves. Whilst it might feel safe and familiar, it is tiring to spend so much of our energy protecting ourselves. In time, we feel trapped and unable to live fully or happily,  express all of ourselves and achieve our potential.

Hal and Sidra Stone, developed a technique called 'Voice Dialogue' in the 70s that helps us accept and integrate these different parts of ourselves. Simply by embodying each self (yes, they have different postures!), giving them a voice and starting a dialogue with them, we hear ourselves differently. This new awareness helps us to step back and embrace more of our ‘selves’, giving us choice over which parts we act and live life from in any given moment.

Why am I sharing this idea? Because it has helped me, and it continually makes a difference to my clients. 

So, why not stop to listen to the voices that are shouting loudly, or whispering softly, and ask them how they protect you, or what they give you, knowing that they are just one part of you and its OK if you're stuck in that part right now.

All woman?

As I left Slough station last week, I noticed a little girl, of about 3, in a full gypsy-esque style dress with big ruffles at its sleeves and throughout its skirt. I was struck by the femininity of it - it shouted 'pink' even though it was white!

Having been a tomboy and fought with my mum over wearing skirts and dresses, 'girliness' can still feel a little alien. It's taken me time to learn to enjoy my femininity, and I still find it hard at times. Working within a corporate environment did not exactly help the process and the strong female role models as I grew up were generally more in touch with their masculine side - think Maragaret Thatcher. She may have had voice coaching to soften her speech, but her energy was still full of balls!

The hardest part is that my masculine side seems to have achieved so much and I really value it, and initially in becoming more feminine I thought I had to ditch it totally. What an impossible choice. Finally, I am realising that I can use my  masculine (my doing, goal oriented, boundary setting, grounded ballsiness) to support and allow a greater space for my feminine (my being, intuitive, emotional, earthy creativity) and that this combination is most powerful and freeing.

...And for all the Men reading this with curiosity, 'yes!' there is more power and freedom through integration for you too - though of course it is your masculinity that is enhanced!

Losing your voice

I have literally lost my voice over the last week and in the silence I've been noticing what it is I long to say, miss saying, wish I never had to say again... Interestingly, and I'm sure a therapist would have a field day;

• I long to shout and  scream, or sing at the top of my lungs (so ear plugs might be advisable in our household shortly)
• I miss just chatting away with my son (I wonder what he makes of his suddenly more silent world)
• and I wish (in vain!) that I never had to say 'no' to my son again and again (its certainly been a creative week finding new ways to distract him or set the boundaries, or go with the flow...)

It also reminds me how easy it is in life to lose your voice - as a child, at work, in a relationship, as a parent... I've found losing the option to add my part in a conversation, share my ideas, or say outloud what I am wanting very isolating at times. Others are left filling the gap and not always correctly! I'm left noticing what I care about enough to feel frustrated. A reminder that frustration is a great clue to knowing your voice.

Babies and bathwater

I have had a habit of throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I'd leap onto the next step or challenge, leaving everything in my wake, only to discover I was leaving parts of myself behind. Discovering a more solid sense of who I am has helped me find an anchor inside myself - the 'baby' so to speak - that I want, and know, to hold onto. Transitions can still be hard, but it is such a relief to have stopped the constant searching for an external anchor as I have something solid inside myself.

What do you hold onto inside yourself when everything is changing?